So while cleaning out my external hard drive I found this little piece I wrote, about my thoughts on cooking the turkey for last year’s Thanksgiving dinner. I figured since Thanksgiving was fast approaching I would share it, so that you can chuckle quietly amongst yourself.

Also if anyone is interested Google has Thanksgiving Recipes… I only just noticed this….

Lessons Learned From Cooking Thanksgiving Dinner

26 November 2009

This year was the first year I had ever been in the Kitchen for Thanksgiving. The reason? My mom wanted me to learn how to prepare a proper traditional Thanksgiving meal. She said it would eventually be part of my duties when I become a mother, something I am not planning on doing for a while. However, I was quite interested in what takes place when my mother kicks us all out of the kitchen and prepares her magical feast. From this experience I learned many lessons about how cooking in the kitchen works, so I will type them here so that many some other poor soul can learn from them.

• If you want to eat Dinner at a reasonable hour, you have to wake up early.
  • A normal size turkey on Thanksgiving, without any sort of stuffing, usually takes about 6-7 hours to cook. With stuffing, you could be looking at 8-9 hours.
    • There is hope for those who don’t know anything! Most Turkeys have a handy chart telling you how long it should take to cook the turkey depending on the size.
  • There are innards that have to be removed
    • It blew my mind. Stuff inside the turkey? Yes, they are removed and used for other parts of the meal, such as stuffing and gravy.
    • Don’t forget the paper bag! For some reason all companies decided to put the Turkey’s frozen vitals inside a paper bag, which is also inside the Turkey.
    • We washed the turkey and give it a massage
      • The gunk has to be washed off and herbs need to be rubbed on. They usually have special “Turkey Rub” seasoning in grocery stores, or you can make your own.
      • Basically you have to massage these herbs into the turkey so that its flavor is released, don’t forget about the inside of the Turkey!
      • You put the Turkey into the oven at 325 degrees and don’t forget to cover it up– because you don’t want it to burn!
      • We used aluminum foil…. We also put an Apple Bourbon Pie ¹ in.
• You take a break…. Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade starts….
  • We forgot about the pie…. Midlife crisis
    • The pie ended up being ok (everyone can breathe)
      • Lesson learned
  • We decided to go to the grocery store to pick up a newspaper- for the ads
    • Grocery stores are crowded on Thanksgiving- people forget things
      • Egg Nog is expensive
    • Newspapers lose about 20 lbs when you remove Black Friday ads
• Time to make the Stuffing
  • Still have awhile to go till dinner
    • The little brothers get excited and begin setting the table- I now understand why we were always kicked out of the kitchen
    • We heat a pan for stuffing – the innards in the paper bag are cut up and used, along with other various stuffing ingredients
    • The turkey broth made from heating the other parts found in the turkey in water is also used
      • Though not all- some has to remain for the gravy
  • Veggies have to be cut-
    • I found that a cheese grater is a perfectly acceptable tool to use to peel carrots
      • Until my mom finds out- no longer reasonable
    • I also found out that carrot chunks fly everywhere when you cut them
      • And my dog likes to eat them
  • Little brothers are willing to peel potatoes because they think they are helping
    • This is useful- they are out of the way and doing a very boring, meticulous and agonizing chore. I will use this when I have kids
• Another break- football begins and everyone mysteriously disappears into the living room
  • Everyone is playing the waiting game
    • Ads are interesting….
    • ….. it would be the perfect time to do homework…. But I don’t have any, so I began writing this instead
• Final Hour!
  • Begin to make the gravy….
    • With flour! Which needs to burns somewhat to give gravy a nice brown color
  • The smell of food is everywhere in the house
    • Everyone comes to the source, asking if dinner is done. Endlessly.
  • More waiting… checking email
    • With dial-up this takes at least 40 minutes
• And My First Ever Turkey is done!
  • I wouldn’t have known, but this is the truth according to Mom and this is after all her Realm
    • She knows best
• And so the Dinner Begins! ²